February 23rd, 2011

© The Cosby Show

Well I must admit, when I write this blog I feel like a combination of Carrie Bradshaw and Bill Cosby. The only difference is that I should punch myself in the face for knowing who Carrie Bradshaw is, and the sad fact that although I own more bad sweaters than Dr. Huxtable – I’m still whiter than the bad guy in The Da Vinci Code. Recently something has happened to me that has me more excited than I’ve ever been in my entire life, and more scared at the same time. My wife Jeni and I have been married for just over a year, and we just recently found out we’re going to be parents for the first time. More specifically, I’m going to be a dad!

Cheese and rice, what have I gotten myself into?! Yes, I know – I’m hardly the first person to go through being a dad for the first time. Just look at Shawn Kemp. But it still doesn’t mean I don’t want to run through a wall like Kool-Aid and scream for help. Which is exactly why I decided to create DaftDaddy.com. I need some help, and I’m thinking there must be a lot of other guys out there too in my same situation that could use some help as well.

From dealing with my pregnant wife and altruistic mother-in-law, to keeping my job and spending time with my family and friends, I invite anyone who wants to join me on my journey to fatherhood and beyond to visit me often at DaftDaddy.com. Much like I had no idea what I was doing when I created this baby, I also have no idea what I’d even write about every day. But I do know that as each day passes, I have to deal with something stranger, funnier, and more unpredictable than the day before. Every day is a new learning experience for me. I welcome you to my life. My adventure. I’m Daft Daddy.


I Love Lucy

Wife: Jeni

My wife Jeni is like a combination of Lucille Ball and Mr. Magoo. Her personality makes me laugh while her driving makes me cry. Jeni owns a small invitation store and gets annoyed when people spell stationery stationary. She enjoys singing off key to songs she doesn’t know the words to. She’s sweet, beautiful and very entertaining. She’s kind of like the mini-page on Sunday morning: If you can connect the dots, you end up with one pretty picture.


© Two and Half Men

Mother-in-Law: Jeri

Wow, how do I describe my mother-in-law? Jeri reminds me of Evelyn Harper on Three and a Half Men – with the exception that her two children love her and neither have Tiger Blood. Jeri is so generous she makes Thurston Howell the III look stingy. She is an acute right wing republican, which may explain why her favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard. With the exception of government, Jeri subscribes to the theory that you can never have too much of anything. And this is especially true when it comes to cake. Jeri loves cake more than Garfield loves lasagna.


© One Day at a Time

Father-in-Law: Jim

Jim, or Jimbo as I like to call him, is the exception to the rule that nice guys finish last. Unlike me, Jimbo is handy around the house. He’s kind of like Snyder from One Day at a Time, with the only exception he doesn’t have a pack of smokes rolled up his sleeve. He’s a man of a few words, but that’s mostly because Jeri and Jeni don’t stop talking long enough for him to say anything. It may not appear as if Jim is in charge, but when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, you can see he simply gives people who think they’re in charge a very long leash.


© Married with Children

Boss: Tim

Ah, bless my boss Tim. He was born in Liverpool England and lives his life like he’s Dudley Moore in Arthur. He’s extremely bright and believes common sense is more important than anything you can read in a book. He likes to surround himself with people who are smarter than him and can drink like him. He has two young boys that mean the world to him, and is never shy about sharing a story or two about his parenting trials and jubilations. He’s not Ward Cleaver but he’s not Al Bundy either. I learn a lot from Tim – even if he never scored 4 touchdowns in a high school football game.


© Gran Torino

Brother-in-Law: Greg

Greg may look like Dexter, but his personality matches up better with Archie Bunker. He may be the oldest young guy I ever met. He’s one birthday away from yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn. He obviously makes good money as he lives on the beach, but he also seems to enjoy the majority of white trash sports. He’s kind of a hard guy to figure out. I wouldn’t be surprised  if he had a Gran Torino in his garage.